The Loop

We Can't Fix Anyone, But Jesus Can 

Have you ever watched someone you love hurting so badly that you desperately wished you could fix their pain? What makes it even worse is when you're the cause of that pain. You find yourself thinking, "If only I could go back five minutes, five years, or ten years and undo what I did or unsay what I said." We all want that magical fix-it button sometimes. 

But here's the hard truth I've learned after years of trying: Nobody reading this can fix anybody else. Period. 

The Dangerous "Fix You" Mentality 

Remember that Coldplay song "Fix You"? It's one of those songs you'll belt out in your car. The lyrics speak to something deep in us: "When you try your best but you don't succeed... Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you." 

Chris Martin wrote this beautiful song for his wife when she was grieving her father's death. He saw her pain and wanted to make it go away. But their marriage ultimately ended in divorce. Why? Because no human being has the power to truly fix another. 

I spent significant time burning myself out, and later in counseling learned this simple truth: My name is not Jesus Christ. I can't fix anybody. I can't save anybody. What I can do, however, is partner with Jesus to come alongside someone who's hurting so that He can fix them. 

Your Life Is Like a Tree With Fruit 

The Bible tells us from Genesis to Revelation that our lives are like trees. There's fruit growing on your tree, and the people closest to you—your spouse, your children, your coworkers, your neighbors—are eating that fruit. 

What kind of fruit is growing on your tree? If you want an honest answer, ask those who are closest to you. They're the ones consuming what your life produces. 

Sometimes the fruit we produce comes from sin—missing the mark of God's desire for us. This could be laziness, gluttony, greed, pride, lust, and so on. Other times, it's unhealthy behaviors like unforgiveness, bitterness, manipulation, or control. 

The Root of Fear 

Underneath all these behaviors is often one driving force: fear. 

Our fears drive our actions, which produce fruit that affects others. When we live out those fears, we act in ways that hurt and damage others. 

Genesis 3 shows us how this played out in the very beginning. Adam and Eve lived in perfect harmony with God and each other, completely naked and unashamed. They carried no shame, no disappointment in themselves or toward each other. They were completely free. 

But when sin entered through their disobedience, everything changed. Genesis 3:7 tells us, "Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked. They sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves." 

One minute, they were frolicking freely in the garden; the next, they were hiding from each other and from God. 

The Shame Cycle 

Deep down below our fear is something even more powerful: shame. 

Sin has made all of us feel exposed and ashamed. This creates what I call the "shame cycle": 

1. I do something I know I shouldn't do 
2. It makes me feel ashamed 
3. I want to hide from people 
4. I fear being truly known 
5. This produces fruit that leads to more sin 
6. I don't like how this feels, so I return to what made me feel good initially 

And the cycle continues. Worse yet, my sin-shame-fear cycle produces the same cycle in others around me. 

Breaking the Cycle: A New Root System 

So, how do we get different fruit to grow on our trees? How do we break this destructive cycle? 

The simple answer is: We need a whole new root system. 

Jesus explained this in John 12:24 when He told us that He was going to die on the cross (like a kernel of wheat going into the ground) so that he could produce in us a whole new crop with a whole new seed that would drop new seeds in the ground.   

 That’s why, if we want a new fruit, we must:   

1. ACCEPT JESUS AS MY ONLY WAY FORWARD

You cannot fix your spouse. You cannot fix your kids. You cannot even fix yourself. But Jesus can, and He's greater than all our problems. 

2. REPLACE FEAR WITH FAITH

In Jeremiah 17:7-8, we read: "Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." 

Anxiety increases as perceived control diminishes. So who's driving your life? If it's you, you'll be anxious every day until you die. It's only when we realize we don't have what it takes and surrender control to Jesus that we find what we're really looking for. 

3. DIE TO OLD WAYS DAILY

Jesus said in Luke 9:23, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves, take up their cross daily and follow me." 

This is the hardest part: it will feel like death every single day. When you're convinced you're right but want to see different fruit on your tree, you must choose to walk in humility instead of pride. You must look at someone you've hurt and say, "I was wrong, I hurt you, and I'm sorry," instead of justifying your actions. 

Putting It Into Practice 

If you want to begin this transformation journey, here's your homework: 

1. Identify your fears - You don't need to list 25 fears; just start with one or two. 
2. Create your "therefore" statement - "Because I'm afraid I'm not enough, therefore I..." 
3. Identify the fruit growing on your tree - How are your actions affecting your kids, spouse, or coworkers? 
4. Ask the faith question - If I were to act in faith rather than fear, what would be different? 

 

Remember, Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither were we. We got to where we are through years of not walking faithfully with God. But He can lead us out if we have the courage to follow.  

If you want to see new fruit in your life, you must become more like Jesus and less like yourself. It's that simple—and that difficult. You won’t be doing it alone. 

  

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