The Loop

Have you ever wondered why the same problems keep resurfacing in your life? Why certain relationships remain stuck in conflict despite your best efforts? Perhaps there's an invisible pest destroying the fruit in your spiritual orchard—a pest called pride.

Did you know that the crop of oranges coming out of Florida has been reduced by nearly 90% over the last 20 years? The main culprit is a tiny bug called the Asian citrus psyllid that infects trees, causing fruit to drop prematurely and eventually rendering entire trees unusable. In our spiritual lives, pride functions in much the same way.

The Cycle That Keeps Us Stuck

Over the past few weeks, we've been exploring how our lives are like trees that produce fruit. Jesus himself said you can tell a tree by its fruit (Matthew 7:16). When we see sins like lust, greed, selfishness, and the like, as well as unhealthy behaviors like micromanaging, controlling others, passive-aggressive actions—  growing in our lives they’re coming from somewhere.

These behaviors are typically driven by fear: fear of missing out, fear of not measuring up, fear of not being good enough. But where do those fears come from?

They stem from wounds—both self-inflicted and those caused by others. These wounds create shame, which feeds our fears, which then drive our unhealthy behaviors. It's a cycle that keeps repeating itself unless someone outside of us intervenes… enter Jesus.

As Paul wrote in Titus 3:3-8, "At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy."

Breaking the Cycle Through Faith and Humility

If we want to live differently, we must start acting differently—acting in faith rather than fear. This means approaching life differently and thinking about our problems differently. "We do not wage war as the world does" (2 Corinthians 10:3).

To deal with our shame, we must first grieve it. We must acknowledge that others have hurt us and that we've done things we don't want to admit that have also hurt. As James says, when you realize you've sinned, "grieve, mourn and wail" (James 4:9).

But grieving isn't enough. We must also confess our sins. "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed" (James 5:16). When things stay in darkness, Satan maintains a foothold. Confession brings things into the light, taking away the enemy's power to accuse us.

And as others confess to us, we must forgive them. This is the process that begins to produce new fruit on our trees.

Pride: The Fruit Destroyer

But there's one thing that prevents us from grieving, confessing, and forgiving—pride. Proverbs 16:18 warns us, "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall."

Pride masks itself, making it easier to see in others than in ourselves. Proverbs 13:10 tells us, "Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice."

Think about it: Do you have any conflict in your life right now? Where is there pride? And don't tell me “yes, Pastor, and they have it!”

Proverbs 11:2 says, "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." If we want to deal with the pride problem, we must fight it with humility.

The Plank in Your Own Eye

One of the most common questions I hear is, "Pastor, how can I get them to see what they're doing wrong?" My response often frustrates people because I say, "Let's talk about what you did wrong first."

Jesus addressed this directly in Matthew 7:3-5: "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there's a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

The point isn't that others don't have issues. The point is that you have issues too, and you think yours are nothing while theirs are enormous. Before we can help someone else achieve different fruit on their tree, we must first deal with our own.

In other words, even if only 2% of the problem is yours, first own your 2%, 100%

A Special Call to Men

God has put on my heart a desire to call men to step into the leadership He has gifted them with and called them to have. I am calling you to lead out and go first here.

In 1 Corinthians 16:13-14, Paul says, "Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love." The Greek word for "act like men" (andrizomai) appears only here in the entire New Testament. It means "to be responsible and courageous by taking the initiatives that God reveals through faith."

Men, I challenge you in three areas:

1. Are there areas in your life where you need to step up and take greater responsibility? Too many men are addicted to hobbies, screens, substances, or video games. Paul says, "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me" (1 Corinthians 13:11).
2. Are there places where you're being called to lead more fully with love and faithfulness? Proverbs 3:3-4 says, "Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man." (And, I would add… your family).
3. Are you using your strength to protect and build or to pressure and dominate? God made men stronger for a reason. How are you leveraging your strength for good in the world? 1 John 4:18 reminds us, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment."

Life Application: Swallowing Your Pride

Before King David died, he told Solomon, "I am about to go the way of all the earth. So be strong, act like a man, and observe what the Lord your God requires. Walk in obedience to him and keep his decrees and commands" (1 Kings 2:2-3).

Here are some practical steps to help you swallow your pride and walk in humility:

1. Identify the conflicts in your life and ask yourself where pride might be involved—especially yours, not just theirs.
2. Take responsibility for your part, even if it's only 2% of the problem.
3. Confess your sins to someone you trust. Bring things into the light.
4. Forgive those who have wounded you, not because they deserve it, but because it frees you.
5. Ask God for the courage to do whatever He's calling you to do.

I believe God can work through you if you're willing to partner with Him. What would happen in our world if we could unleash hundreds of men (and women) who are willing to swallow their pride and accomplish God's initiatives by faith?

Today could mark a new day in your marriage, your home, your community, and your job as you choose to act differently. You can't change the world, but you can change your little corner of it.

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