The Loop

As men, we often struggle to express love in ways that truly resonate with our wives. The disconnect isn't usually from lack of love, but from not understanding how to demonstrate it in meaningful ways. 

When I look at Ephesians 5:33, I see a profound truth: "However, each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." This isn't just good advice—it's a divine blueprint for marriage that reflects something much deeper than we might initially realize. 

The Divine Design for Marriage 

When God created marriage, He had something profound in mind. In Genesis 2, we see God creating Adam first and giving him work to do. But God looked down and said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him" (Genesis 2:18). 

Before Adam even realized his loneliness, God was already working on the solution. This reveals something beautiful about God's character: He knows your needs before you're even aware of them, and He's already working on solutions. This applies to your marriage, your finances, your wayward children—God is aware and active in all of it. 

Loving as Christ Loves 

When Eve was created, Adam's first response was to burst into poetry! "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man" (Genesis 2:23). Adam's first act of love toward Eve was to sing her a song.  

Men, when was the last time you expressed affection to your wife in a way that was meaningful to her? 

In Ephesians 5:25, Paul writes, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." The word for "love" here is "agape"—the same word used to describe God's love for us. This is no ordinary love; it's sacrificial, intentional, and transformative. 

What does this mean practically? It means loving your wife as Christ loves you. You're part of the church, right? So, love your wife like Jesus loves you. How did He love you? He gave up what was good for Him. He came down here, took on flesh, dwelt among us, and eventually got crucified for it—all to show His love. 

The principle is simple but profound: If God does it for you, you do it for her. 

Reflecting God's Love in Your Marriage 

Over months of reflection, I've compiled a list of ways God shows His love to us that we can mirror in our marriages. Here are some of the most important ones: 

1. GOD REJOICES OVER YOU—YOU NEED TO REJOICE OVER HER

Zephaniah 3:17 tells us that God rejoices over us with singing. Are you celebrating your wife? Do you express delight in who she is, not just what she does? 

2. GOD WENT FIRST TO FIX THE BROKENNESS BETWEEN YOU AND HIM—YOU GO FIRST TO FIX ANY BROKENNESS

Romans 5:8 reminds us that "while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Jesus didn't wait for us to get our act together. In your marriage, are you waiting for her to make the first move toward reconciliation, or are you leading the way? 

3. GOD IS UNFATHOMABLY PATIENT WITH YOU—BE LONGSUFFERING WITH HER

Psalm 103:8 says, "The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love." Are you quick to anger or slow? Do you extend the same grace to your wife that God extends to you? 

4. GOD LISTENS TO ALL YOUR PRAYERS—MAKE TIME TO LISTEN TO HER

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us" (1 John 5:14). Many years of pain in my own marriage came from my tendency to jump into problem-solving mode when my wife just wanted to be heard. She's crazy intelligent.  She basically runs our home. But when she shares her day, she doesn't always want solutions; she wants connection. 

5. GOD MEETS YOUR NEEDS—MAKE SURE HER NEEDS ARE MET

Ephesians 5:28 says, "Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." Do you ensure she gets the same care you give yourself? If you get a new outfit, does she? If you need downtime after work, does she get downtime too? 

Becoming One Flesh 

Paul concludes in Ephesians 5:31 by quoting Genesis: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is about much more than physical intimacy. 

One flesh means shared lives, shared goals, shared finances, shared everything. It means asking: Are we heading in the same direction? Are we building a life of oneness, or do we have separate agendas? What boundaries do we need to place around other relationships—even good ones like with parents or children—to protect our oneness? 

Putting It Into Practice 

If you're wondering how to apply these principles, here are some practical steps: 

1. Come up with a regular rhythm for showing affection in ways meaningful to your wife. 
2. Schedule a time or two each week to just catch up. Try asking, "How are you feeling? What problems are you facing? How can I help?" 
3. Study your wife's needs. Consider reading "His Needs, Her Needs" by Willard Harley, Jr. together. Highlight what resonates and discuss it on a date night. 
4. Take initiative in resolving conflicts. Don't wait for her to make the first move. 
5. Seek help when needed. Consider attending a Weekend to Remember event by FamilyLife.com, or connect with Christian counselors at Care to Change here in Avon. 

Men, you're not alone in this journey. You have a Father in heaven who wants to meet your needs and help you solve your problems. He's given you everything you need to love your wife well—now go and reflect His love to the precious gift He's given you. 

She's worth it. 

Share