The Loop

“And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:12, 14-15)

I am a minister’s daughter. I often say I was raised in church buildings. We moved about every three years.  We often lived next door to the church. One year, we lived in the basement of a church while a house we never got to live in was built for us. Growing up immersed in church life, I learned a very hard lesson. Church people make mistakes, hold grudges, gossip, and commit the same sins that non-church people do. Living as family means that we offend each other in serious ways. My dad preached at very small, mission-type churches. These churches were operated by the men in the congregation. Men’s meetings after church could be very volatile. When the men could not agree about church decisions or church politics got heated, often the decision was made to dismiss the preacher and hire someone new and better. One of these decisions was driven by one man. He fought until the men fired my dad. We had to move out of that church basement when I graduated from high school that spring. While packing, this man came to visit. He was friendly, smiling, and eager to offer his help. I wish I could say that my 18-year-old self was forgiving and kind, however, I heatedly refused his help, slamming the door in his face. I was angry.  This was our ninth move. Often people don’t apologize or ask for your forgiveness. Often it is only in hindsight that we see how God worked in our lives through the pain of betrayal. That move brought us to a church where I met my husband. One of the biggest blessings of my life.

Jesus stressed the importance of forgiveness multiple times in the Gospel accounts. In Matthew 18, Jesus tells Peter to forgive 490 times He then tells the parable of the Unforgiving Servant. (Matt. 18:23-35) A man owes his king ten thousand bags of gold. The man cannot pay and the king orders he be thrown in jail with his family until he can repay his debt. This man falls before the king and begs for patience until he can pay the King. Of course this will never happen in this man’s lifetime. Somehow the king has pity and patience. He forgives the man of his debt. He never has to pay the king what he owes. The man leaves the presence of the king a free man. Soon this free man encounters another man who owes him a hundred silver coins. He grabs the man by the neck and demands payment. This man also begs for time to pay him back. Instead of forgiving as the King forgave, the man has his debtor thrown into jail with his family until he can repay the debt he owes. The king hears what has happened, reverses his decision, and throws him into prison. He reprimands the man because while the king had forgiven him his immeasurable debt, he in turn punished his own debtor rather than showing him the same mercy he had received.

Our King Jesus gave his own life so that our debts would be wiped clean. We are free! How can we walk out of the King’s presence, grab our brother or sister and demand repayment for their debt to us? Maybe we need to consider the ways in which we owe Jesus for our very lives. When was the last time you spent time in prayer looking back over your life, thanking God for all the ways that he protected you, healed your illnesses or comforted you in your sorrows? When was the last time you created a list, on paper or even just in your mind, of what you are grateful for in your life? Look at what Jesus has done! He wiped the slate clean. We no longer need to hold ourselves in a prison of our own making for the sins we’ve committed. If Jesus can forgive us, how can we refuse to forgive those who are indebted to us?

People who have been deeply hurt by physical, mental, or emotional abuse may believe that by forgiving their abuser, they are saying what happened to them does not matter anymore. Forgiveness is letting the abuser off the hook, so to speak. Nothing makes abuse okay. You forgiving them doesn’t make the abuse okay. It releases that hurt and anger to the Lord for him to handle it. Abusers will be held accountable, but we go free. When we forgive, we release the hold that bitterness and hatred hold over us. Most of the time, our holding onto the offenses of others keeps us bound up instead of the abuser. We can’t move forward, because we are stuck in the past holding onto hurts and anger.

In our study of the book of Luke, Jesus says to “be on your guard. If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.” Even if he sins against you repeatedly and repents repeatedly, you must forgive him. (Luke 17:3-4) We are to leave room for God’s wrath and not take our own revenge. “It is mine to avenge, says the Lord; I will repay.” (Romans 12:19 ) This takes the responsibility off of us and gives us the freedom to forgive knowing God has our backs. No one says forgiveness is easy, but Jesus says it is necessary. Who do you need to forgive? Pray that God will give you the ability to do so and then trust that he will lead you through it.

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