The Loop

Have you ever caught yourself saying something to your child and suddenly realized, "I sound just like my parents"? Sometimes that's wonderful—other times, it's terrifying. As parents, we often unconsciously pass down not just our eye color or mannerisms, but also our fears, coping mechanisms, and even our idols. The sobering truth is this: what you hide, you hand down. 

The Roots of Unhealthy Patterns 

Throughout this sermon series, we've explored how our lives are like trees, and the fruit that grows reveals what's happening inside us. Our family and friends eat from that fruit—whether it's sweet or bitter. 

"Sin is the root of shame, which is the root of fear, which is the root of more sin," creating a destructive cycle in our lives. Think about Adam and Eve in the Garden—one moment they were "naked and had no shame," and after sinning, they were hiding in the bushes, unable to face each other or God. 

As parents, we have incredible power to either heal or worsen our children's relationship with shame. Consider how you respond when your child makes a mistake. Do you ask, "What in the world were you thinking?" or "What is wrong with you?"—questions that drive them into hiding? Or do you create a safe space where they can be honest? 

Creating a Safe Place for Honesty 

I remember when one of my young sons took a cookie without asking and hid under a table to eat it. Instead of yelling or shaming him, I crawled under the table with him. "Hey, what are we doing?" I asked gently. After he admitted taking the cookie, I explained, "If you want a cookie, all you need to do is ask me." 

This approach doesn't mean avoiding accountability or discipline. Rather, it means remembering that "careful words are like fresh water to a trunk. Harsh words are like an ax." What you say in critical moments determines whether your child feels nourished or chopped down. 

Confronting Generational Idols 

Joshua 24:14 challenges us: "Now fear the Lord and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods of your ancestors worshipped beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt and serve the Lord." 

We may not bow to stone statues, but we all have idols. As Tim Keller explains, "An idol is whatever you look at and say, 'If I have that, then I'll feel my life has meaning. Then I'll know I have value. Then I'll feel significant and secure.'" Whether it's a sport, a job, a relationship, or even family—anything can become an idol when it takes God's place. 

Parents, one of your major jobs is to root out idols—both in yourself and in your children. "Please teach your kids that getting what I want will not get me where I want. Teach your kids to say no. Teach your kids to wait." 

Owning Your Mistakes 

John 3 reminds us that "whoever lives by the truth comes into the light so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God." One of the most powerful things you can do as a parent is to own your mistakes. 

"If you mess up, you fess up"—this is a rule in our home. I model this for my boys and hold them to it. This skill of taking responsibility will serve them throughout life. "Can you look at your coworkers and say to them, 'Guys, I messed this one up'? That's a skill every boss wants to hire." 

Life Application: Growing New Fruit 

If you want to see different fruit in your children's lives, here are some practical steps: 

1. CONNECT TO THE TRUE VINE

Jesus said in John 15: "I am the true vine, and my father is the gardener... No branch can bear fruit by itself. It must remain in the vine." Your connection to Christ is essential for producing good fruit. 

2. OWN WHAT'S YOURS

Galatians 6 warns us: "Don't be misled. No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest." Start by acknowledging the generational patterns you've inherited, then commit to planting something new. 

3. REPEAT TRUTH UNTIL IT STICKS

Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train a child in the way that he should go, and even when he grows older, he will not abandon it." Remember, "repetition is the key to retention." You'll get tired of saying the same thing over and over, but don't quit. 

4. TRUST GOD'S PROMISE

In Jeremiah 32, God promises: "I will give them singleness of heart and action so that they will always fear me, and that all will then go well for them and for their children after them... I will rejoice in doing good to them." 

Parents, step into this mess called faith. It's hard. You won't always know what to do. But keep running to the Father. Stay connected to the vine. Let Him take care of you—and your children.  He will do good to you. 

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